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An old friend of my brotherapos;s recently got engaged to a wonderful girl named Katie Bockman. �A few nights ago, Katie was on her way to see her new fiancee, Josh. �Katie lost control of her car and ran into a tree, dying instantly. �I did not attend the memorial service, but from what I have heard from my family it was quite sorrowful. �My sister called my mom crying about how sad it was, how they had to help Josh down the aisle when he came to be seated. �He could barely hold himself up. �Katieapos;s mother is a teacher I knew from my middle school and all the faculty showed up in support along with Joshapos;s friends and loved ones. �I was getting emotional on the phone, and I did not quite catch my mom talking about this desk that apparently my sister had signed in middle school, that I also signed right by it. �Thatapos;s when my mom started crying, saying how she would not know what to do if she lost any of us. �How sweet and typical that my sister wrote a message and I wrote only my name because that was my favorite thing to write. �She went on to say how lucky she was to have 3 healthy children that were safe. �How all she wanted from me was to be a good, honest person, to love and be loved. �That if I loved my family, I should tell them. �If I loved Jason,�I should tell him. �Do for others, donapos;t expect things in return. �It brought me to tears, to hear the fear in my motherapos;s voice. �Her poor little shaky voice, frail and helpless. �It broke my heart to hear the sadness in her voice, reaching out to beg that I stay safe so that she will never have to experience the mourning felt in that church. �So, here it is. �My public declaration of love to everyone. �Dad, Mom, Momo, Callie, Birdies, BunBun, Jacksy, BooBoo, Jen, Jason, Lauren, Mackenzie, Summer, TayTay, and everyone else I left out: �I love you with all my heart. �I am so glad that you are in my life. �God has truly blessed me with such love and happiness. �I admit I have taken for granted the love youapos;ve given me at some point in my life Iapos;m sure, but I do love all of you very very much. �I am so thankful. �And thank you for loving me all the same.
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The neighbor on the corner told Josh today that he found a dead grey kitty in the oleander bushes on the side of his house about 6 months ago. He said the cat had been hit by a car and had probably dragged himself into the bushes.

He said he didnapos;t bother to look for a tag. He just threw him away.

I promised Bobby that he would get to be buried in his yard, because he loved it so much. Now heapos;s rotting in some shitty-diaper filled pile of junk.

Iapos;m sobbing all over again. God damn it I loved that fucking cat.






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Somehow, through links and stuff, believe me I didnapos;t plan it because I donapos;t care much anymore, I ended up on YouTube watching the latest Madonna video. That shit is in my head and it wonapos;t come out, I mean severe earbug territory. So pissed. Itapos;s the song with Pharrell and thatapos;s all Iapos;m going to say, because I have been determined to keep her shit out of my head Arrrrrgh.

To her credit, itapos;s good, as in old-school good. The bitch.

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At the moment I am realizing that I am in deep trouble. I have a math exam on Wednesday, not good, my english professor resigned, im going crazy with all the studying i have to do, and i hate my dsp. Though I do have one thing that makes my days better. Matt. Sweetheart that he is. Letapos;s me cuddle with him. Itapos;s nice. And I donapos;t have to be in my room. Itapos;s really nice. I despise my roommate, sheapos;s a typical stereotypical black girl. I would like to murder her. But I havenapos;t really spent much time in my room recently. Itapos;s amazing to have someplace to hide out in.

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FRIDAY


Hello world

Buddy of mine, horace campbell, did a nice piece
On obamas ground game and the hardleft for black commentator

Horace hardleft himself and its good to see some forward thinking
Going on up in there, i will do some commentary on it when i get

A minute today, i got to recover from a rough schoolweek 1st
Im just chilling right now, catch up with you on the rebound

Rdoc

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Well today is the end of the first round of contractors.. I will be getting someone to spray foam insulate next year and someone to pave the driveway after that. But now it is my turn to start doin, stuff..
yesterday they put in the header so i can blow out the wall to expand the brezeway and little bathroom. Today they are doing site cleanup and then are done. We had them a check and then we will give them a call when we need more work (ie windows in the main house, repitching the main house roof.... Etc).

tonight work on garage doors. And maybe hang some plastic. So we can empty the storage locker and container this weekend. (save some $$ on rentals)
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Ahh almost Friday again. These weeks are flying by, quite liking it actually. Before you know it it will be Christmas again Wow. Anyhoo... What you guys got planned for the weekend? Anything nice? Gordon is having a party, his over due house warming party. Heapos;s inviting his work friends and Iapos;m having Fe over. Should be fun, parties with his work friends usually are Need to buy party food on Saturday in case we get the munchies lol, which will definitely happen

Work is going fine, my boss is off next week so I will have the office to myself. Will be a quiet week. Then on Friday me and Gordon are going to a spa hotel for the weekend to relax and unwind. Canapos;t wait :D We probably wonapos;t get any massages because we wonapos;t be able to afford them but we will make full use of the swimming pool, sauna and steam room

Then a week after that is halloween, well looking forward to that, Iapos;m gonna be a pirateapos;s wench But I donapos;t have a pirate... Because Gordon will be on call for work during halloween. I wonapos;t be going out on the Friday though, it will be the Saturday I go out. Going to see Saw V with some friends on the Friday. A nice scary movie for Halloween Also, got a wedding fayre to go to on Saturday during the day. Iapos;m Susanapos;s maid of honour so she wants me to go along and help her get ideas etc. I am saying I am bride to be because then I will get the free makeovers and wine as well Hehe. Always thinking.

There is also word of going to a burlesque party/show in November, on the 15th. Will be getting my corset at the ready Will post photos on bebo if I do go and you can see me all dressed up to the max. I want to look like Dita von Teese :)

I think thatapos;s all the updates for now. Feeling better lately because I have made plans and things to look forward to, which is definitely helping my depression. Still on meds for it but I hope to be coming off them maybe in a years time.

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I watched bits and pieces of the last presidential debate, the final duel before the One Ring at least yields itself up to its new master. At least I�think I�did. I�couldnapos;t quite tell if this was a new debate or if they were just rerunning clips from the last two.

Bush�Ayers�Bush�Ayers

Yeah, that was pretty much it.

Though remember when everyone thought the election would be a tedious, monotonous death march between Hillary and Giuliani? Ha�Whatever else can be said about this election, it surely hasnapos;t been boring

-JM

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What is happiness?

Is happiness the feeling you get when itapos;s 70 degrees out in the middle of October and youapos;re driving down Middle Road with the sunroof open and the radio up, sun shining, wind blowing through your hair?

Or maybe itapos;s a hot cocoa and a warm blanket on a cold winter night.

Is happiness the fact that you wake up and look forward to your day?

Or maybe itapos;s the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know you finally made the right choice. After so many years, youapos;ve finally gotten it right.

Is happiness that thing thatapos;s out of reach, never able to be attained no matter how hard you try?

Or maybe itapos;s in those moments that you actually do get that thing that seems to always be out of reach. Maybe itapos;s in those peaceful, serene momemts where it seems as though nothing could go wrong, that everything would be perfect if it just all stayed the same as it was in that one simple moment.

Can one be happy with something they "settle" with?

Or maybe itapos;s imaginary, something that never really existed in the first place.

Maybe itapos;s just a dream, real only to the select few that experience it routinely.

But then, doesnapos;t everyone lose happiness at one point or another?

No one is ever truly, completely, 100 all-the-time happy.

Right?
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